There are a few inherent problems with being a NeoPagan polytheist. The biggest one is that "Neo-" out in front.
It's been a long time since someone tried to reincarnate a dead religion. Oh, the Abrahamic and Dharmic faiths go through revivals, sure. The form of Judaism we currently have exists because a bunch of priests of Yahveh went and made up a version of his cult that was not just henotheistic but monotheistic - Yahveh wasn't just the best god, he wasn't even just the only one that ought to be worshipped; now, he was the only god - and projecting that view back into their cultural history. (No one had made that claim since Akhenaton, but somehow this time it stuck.) None of the various Christian churches look anything like the ones Paul founded in the 30s and 40s CE. Etc., etc.
But reviving the old Classical Pagan practice in any form goes at least somewhat against their own ethos. All of the various cults practiced in Classical Greece and Rome, and presumably the portions of the Near East and Europe that were under their control at the time, respected "the customs of the forefathers" - ta patria. The cults were communal; while individuals certainly had their own devotions, the rites required priests, oracles, temples, and a critical mass of worshippers for sacrifices and rituals. Much of the important parts were never written down, or written only as lists - this many sheep, the hymn to Atargatis seven times, three handfuls of incense. Those lists were often essentially outline notes; they were reminders to jog the memories of the priests, scribes, and functionaries, who had been through the ritual so many times they didn't need more.
I, on the other hand, am a person practicing practically alone. As far as I know, there isn't another Levanto-Mesopotamian Syncretist Pagan - well, anywhere. The Natib Qadish are probably as close as it gets, and if there are any in Texas, I don't know about them. I haven't done this since I could talk. I don't know what the lists are shorthand for, most of the time. The myths that I have are fragmentary, and I don't know what role they played - moral fables? Just-so stories? - in the lives of the general worshippers. There are no temples, and not likely to be any soon; there aren't even shrines, unless I get it together to build one. I haven't been trained as a priestess, and I can't be - there's no priest left to do it. And worst of all, this isn't the custom of any of my forefathers (or foremothers). By descent, I'd have to be either a Celtic Pagan or one of the many flavors of Heathen (probably seithr or Vanatru). So from the perspective of the people who did it, my right to this practice is somewhat suspect.
And yet - does that matter? I know there is a cultus for the Phoenician gods in Lebanon; whether a genuine remnant or a rebirth, I do not know. Nor do I know whether they would welcome my pasty white colonialist ass. But the goddesses that call to me have Akkadian and Ugaritic names. Unverified personal gnosis is a messy thing, but at the end of the day it's often all we've got.
All of which is to say, I did tonight's solstice ritual for the CUUPs group I still find myself practicing with (despite now rather regretting my brief foray into Unitarian Universalism*) using the Canaanite deities, El and Asherah and Rahamayu, Shaharu and Shalimu and Shapshu, and trying to use a generally Levantine format. I don't know if I succeeded, but the other participants seemed to get something out of the ritual, and my matrons are at least not displeased with me.
I intend to stay part of the local Pagan community. I have no issues with the standard Wiccaform ritual (despite differences in flavor and language, even this ritual didn't stray too far from it), and often get something out of even the most vaguely-Celtic-by-way-of-Tolkienesque rituals if the people running them are any good. I like the magickal and divinatory practices, the energy-working, the sex-positivity, the tree-hugging respect for Nature, and the general respect for the female divine, and I can't get that anywhere else. But it's getting harder and harder to deal with duotheistic monist fluffybunnies and the folks who are there for the sacred party. I don't want the monarchical hierarchy that went with them back in the day, but I want temples. And imagining how they would be if they had gotten to live and grow for two thousand years, instead of being torn down for the marble and limestone to build churches and mosques, is very, very hard, especially without a community to do it with.
*A ha-ha-only-serious joke: "What's a Unitarian? A person who believes there is at most one god."
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